Saturday, January 2, 2010

Just Too Much

I want.  I desire.  I fail.

All of my life I have wanted to do just about everything.  My parents can correct me if I'm wrong, but I remember being involved in almost all sports available in our small town, dance, GATE, Odyssey of the Mind, drama, Girl Scouts and probably a few other things when I was young.  In high school it was much of the same, Daddy (my high school sweetie) barely enjoyed having lunch with me as I had meetings much of the time for some group/council of some sort or another.  Add in sports, trying to keep up grades in the Honors classes I was in and a high school love life and I was a BUSY girl!  All of this played a part in my struggle with an eating disorder that you can read about here.   

I remember my mom asking me once, "Do we put too much pressure on you?"  The answer then (and now) has always been, "No."  I was just born with too many interests, too many things I wanted to be a part of, join in on, learn and experience.  I'm no wild adventurer by any means - despite a childhood dream to be an FBI agent, you will not find me traveling all over the world (money and an amazing family kind of limit this for now), bungy-jumping, sky-diving, or eating sushi.  I'm really just a homebody, but still I find I want to do more than I can or should.  Oh and then once I've done all of that I want to lay on the couch or soak in the tub and totally escape with a good book or movie.

The problem I'm finding is that all of this interest requires too much time - I CAN'T DO IT ALL!  I don't mean being superwoman, supermom, superwife or superfriend, I just mean I've come to realize I don't have TIME to do all of the things I WANT to do.  This (and the New Year) leads me to a place of having to evaluate my priorities and deciding what things I want MOST and accepting the fact that all of the others need to be forgotten or at least put off for awhile until they fit into our life at a later time or phase.  Let me just tell you that this ACCEPTING part is not going to be easy for me.  In fact, I think it will be a downright daily struggle that I will only conquer with the help of the Lord and His Word.  However, I'm looking forward to the peace that I know will come and the blessings this next year will bring for my family and I.  I can't say I've made any New Years resolutions, but I do have hopes for 2010.


  1. I can so relate to this. This morning at church our pastor spoke on "clarity" in 2010 - finding your purposes and staying focused. It is hard to stay focused when you want to do 50 different things. I also need to scale back my life this year in a big way. I will join you on the journey, friend!

  2. I hear you, sister! There is not enough time in the day...but really, there is..., right? We just have to seek the Lord and find out what He wants us to challenging! I'm with you!