I want. I desire. I fail.
All of my life I have wanted to do just about everything. My parents can correct me if I'm wrong, but I remember being involved in almost all sports available in our small town, dance, GATE, Odyssey of the Mind, drama, Girl Scouts and probably a few other things when I was young. In high school it was much of the same, Daddy (my high school sweetie) barely enjoyed having lunch with me as I had meetings much of the time for some group/council of some sort or another. Add in sports, trying to keep up grades in the Honors classes I was in and a high school love life and I was a BUSY girl! All of this played a part in my struggle with an eating disorder that you can read about here.
I remember my mom asking me once, "Do we put too much pressure on you?" The answer then (and now) has always been, "No." I was just born with too many interests, too many things I wanted to be a part of, join in on, learn and experience. I'm no wild adventurer by any means - despite a childhood dream to be an FBI agent, you will not find me traveling all over the world (money and an amazing family kind of limit this for now), bungy-jumping, sky-diving, or eating sushi. I'm really just a homebody, but still I find I want to do more than I can or should. Oh and then once I've done all of that I want to lay on the couch or soak in the tub and totally escape with a good book or movie.
The problem I'm finding is that all of this interest requires too much time - I CAN'T DO IT ALL! I don't mean being superwoman, supermom, superwife or superfriend, I just mean I've come to realize I don't have TIME to do all of the things I WANT to do. This (and the New Year) leads me to a place of having to evaluate my priorities and deciding what things I want MOST and accepting the fact that all of the others need to be forgotten or at least put off for awhile until they fit into our life at a later time or phase. Let me just tell you that this ACCEPTING part is not going to be easy for me. In fact, I think it will be a downright daily struggle that I will only conquer with the help of the Lord and His Word. However, I'm looking forward to the peace that I know will come and the blessings this next year will bring for my family and I. I can't say I've made any New Years resolutions, but I do have hopes for 2010.